In Winnipeg, I would have killed for a day like this. Early to rise, a run up and then down a mountain five minutes from my home, simple breakfast, a rain day. I threw in a load of laundry ten minutes before the rain came and now there are sheets draped dramatically all over my apartment.
Mitch started his job today doing design work for a manufacturing company. I am still without. I can't seem to find my footing these days, and am completely lost as to not only what I would like to do, but also what I am capable of doing. My life seems like a million loose ends a la moment, no leads to anywhere. I had an interview on Saturday morning for a nanny position taking care of a 9 month old boy named Leo. Now it is Monday and I have yet to hear anything. These interviews to nowhere. It is quite depressing, actually. I have dropped off resumes at a few restaurants but I always leave feeling unsure and insecure due to my lack of French. It is a very humbling process, one that makes me long for the ease of over the counter work, quick photography gigs and silk screen workshops. These days I can be found organizing my flour, sugar, oats and spices into straight lines, folding laundry from the line, and on Facebook. How pathetic.
And yet, I live here now, in this fantastic city with one million parks and busy people. There are things to see and do everywhere you turn, and yet I am lost as to how to slide into the work race. Without a french tongue I feel disrespectful or something. Unworthy of a place in a kitchen or rocking someone else's tiny boy to sleep. Plenty of people come to this city to study from far away places and leave after four years without speaking a lick of french; but I don't want to be that person.
I WISH I HAD A SEWING MACHINE HERE. I don't really want to do anything else. I am lost. This is a low report, but alas I am low today for so many reasons. It feels stupid to long for a place that is no longer mine. Feeling stagnant is pretty much the worst possible feeling pour moi, and stagnant I am. What will it take? For what? I don't know when, or how long, or how much, or who, or why, or how often.
I miss you Winnipeg.